i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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