I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
