Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
