THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
