He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
