Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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