he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
this just has baby written all over it
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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