I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
