if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
