Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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