I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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