Kiss
Puke
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
