who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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