omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
