It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
