one two three fourrrrnication!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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