I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
