i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
