its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
