Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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