Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
