I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
