You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
