My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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