I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
