I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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