Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
