I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
