how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i love accidental penises.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
