Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
