My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She's the barista slut.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
