so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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