She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
