I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
