I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
