Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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