I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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