so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
