my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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