My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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