grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
handjob tips. give me some.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
