I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
