So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
