i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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