There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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