i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
