I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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