soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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