I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
