I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
