So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
